On essentials.

Hey kiddo, I see you’ve brought your calculator to breakfast. Are you planning to do some computation while you eat?

[Fixes me with a cold, fishy stare.]


On the harsh realities.

The world just really isn’t set up for people like our family.

On the mum of mischief.

Mum, I just noticed you walk just like Loki. [Watches me sit down] Ah! And you sit just like him, too.

Maybe that’s why I like him so much – we have the same body language?

Yeah, you’re pretty alike – you have those high cheekbones, too.

I hope I don’t give really bad advice like Loki?

Ha, no. Let’s face it – that would be exceptionally bad for homeschool.

On an argument between two gentlemen.

[The assignment was to write a rhyming poem using Shakespearean insults and language.]

Shakespearean Insult Poem

Thou beef-witted, beetleheaded bugbear,
Thou canst not have her, she is so fair.

Nay, thou rough-hewn, dizzy-eyed, half-faced cloakbag of guts,
I am the swain for her, I shall wield mine sword and give thee cuts!

Fie, I am the better sword-fighter, thou art just a puny loser –
Thou beslubbering barnacle, thou shalt truly lose her.

Pish! Thou canst not fool me; I have seen thee in action.
But thou art cowardly, it is I with the true passion.

Hark! Here comes the lady…

Ye slimy dog-hearted louts! You darest yell in front of my door?
You are bumptious. And you are craven. And I… require more.

On What The Hell?

[Allie has been blasting Adele’s “21” on repeat. She pauses and comes into the office.]

You know, the lyrics to these songs don’t sound like an actual adult. They are more dramatic and immature – kind of like a teenager. I mean, I still like it, but…

On wishful thinking.

Hey buddy, I think your music may be a little loud.

WHAT???? Sorry, could you speak up?

Ha. I think your music might be a bit loud – especially since you couldn’t hear me.

Oh, come on, Mum – it’s not too loud, I’m practically a teenager in most respects!

On strategies.

Sometimes I recite the St. Crispin’s Day speech under my breath while I work on Math problems because it helps me think.


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