On being derivative.

RRRRRRR!

Why is there a character in this book called “Stephano!” EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT STEPHANO IS FROM SHAKESPEARE.

COME ON, Snicket! Be original!

On volatility.

[I am rambling on about Allie's recent emotional outbursts...]

And I think another thing about your catalysts is – oh wait, do you know what “catalyst” means?

Of course I do. A catalyst causes a chemical reaction to speed up. Like with fireflies and Luciferase – the Luciferase combines with oxygen to produce the light.

Ah, yes. That’s a chemical catalyst – and it’s very interesting! But I’m talking about emotional catalysts.

Right. You are using the term figuratively.

On limits.

You cannot treat me this way!

This is a free country!

And I! Am! A! Person!

NOT A BABOON BRANDISHING A STICK!

On autopsies.

I think the doctors who do autopsies are lucky.

Oh! Why is that?

It would be the very best time to touch a person’s eyeballs. The doctor could feel how weird and squishy the eyeballs were, and the patient wouldn’t mind at all… as they would be dead.

On specific instructions.

Ok, Mum. In this game, we will pull the squeezy toys away from each other in opposite directions, until we reconvene over here under my knees.

On practical clothing.

WHO WANTS JEWEL-ENCRUSTED SWEATPANTS?!

I MEAN, SERIOUSLY!

On that which cannot be unseen.

Mum. These small pieces of ice that are dripping down the car window are neat. They slide into the melted channels made by the ones before them. Do you want to know what they remind me of?

Sure! 

Many tiny colons. Like with tiny little bowel movements moving through them like all the ones that came before.

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