On autopsies.

I think the doctors who do autopsies are lucky.

Oh! Why is that?

It would be the very best time to touch a person’s eyeballs. The doctor could feel how weird and squishy the eyeballs were, and the patient wouldn’t mind at all… as they would be dead.

On specific instructions.

Ok, Mum. In this game, we will pull the squeezy toys away from each other in opposite directions, until we reconvene over here under my knees.

On practical clothing.

WHO WANTS JEWEL-ENCRUSTED SWEATPANTS?!

I MEAN, SERIOUSLY!

On that which cannot be unseen.

Mum. These small pieces of ice that are dripping down the car window are neat. They slide into the melted channels made by the ones before them. Do you want to know what they remind me of?

Sure! 

Many tiny colons. Like with tiny little bowel movements moving through them like all the ones that came before.

On verbs.

So the squid releases a jet of ink to confuse the predator. That way, the predator cannot see it squidding away.

[Beat]

Just so you know, I used “squidding” deliberately.

On experiments.

Mum. What is ethanol and where would I find some?

Uhhhh, it’s a kind of alcohol. What do you need it for?

I’m collecting my materials for DNA experiments. Obviously, I should do that before I start.

On credit, where credit is due.

[Also in the change room at the pool, continued from the bit about the report cards.]

…And when I go to the Olympics for swimming, I will look back and remember my instructor from this session, because this is really where it all began.

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